Posted on: May 11, 2009 4:18 pm
Edited on: May 11, 2009 4:31 pm

Down the Rabbit Hole

Sunday morning found me staring out the window intensely gazing at the beginnings of the first bloom on my magnolia tree.  There were tiny little birds dancing around the bottom, hopefully eating some of the red ants that infested the yard.  Don’t ask me why I was staring out at a tree that was only 5 foot high, I couldn’t tell you, I just know I was watching the blossom.

Spring normally comes early to the south, at least here in South Carolina.  It’s arrival rarely spectacular, but often ushered in with the scent of the Carolina Jessamine and the blooms of the azaleas, and then, a series of bloom, one variety offsetting another when the previous blooms fade.  What is not deniable is what the blooms of the magnolia’s signify, the cusp that teeters between spring and the always early arrival of summer, despite the calendar referencing otherwise. 

Sunday, it was as if I had been awakened from a dream or slipped into one, it’s still too early to determine which it was.  For perhaps I had been in hibernation mode and was slowly pulling myself from it when a major jolt of reality hit, or it could have been, I had slipped into a coma where I was living a Dali-esque nightmare, equivalent to melting clocks.  Which ever it is, just as I was about to comment about the big, beautiful bloom that was about to burst forth, one name sent cold chills of sheer terror down my spine … Darlington.

Guess that explained the drive home on Friday.

I had to wrap my mind around this.  When exactly did NASCAR season begin and did I dream somewhere that there was a time, not too many years ago that they held their last Nextel race at the legendary racetrack?  But this was beside the point.  I wasn’t ready.  I failed to practice my passive/aggressive driving that was needed to survive the season.  Nor did I have my supply of various driver bumper stickers to paste on the cars of those who chose to cut me off and give me the “I’m number one sign”.  My therapist will not be happy, not to mention my cardiologist. 

Then I started to ponder and grew concerned.  Was I experiencing symptoms of early onset of Alzheimers?  I missed spring training.  They held spring training for baseball right?  After all, the Pirates were on a seven game losing streak (eight after this writing).  How can you have a losing streak if you’re in spring training?

I wish I could blame all this confusion on the overlapping of the sports seasons.  After all, we’re still following the Stanley Cup playoffs.  You know, a game played in the winter, on ice, and yet, I’m hearing speculation on who will win the Nextel Cup this year and of course, there’s the pennant race.  Yes, I need someone to blame, otherwise I have to admit that my age is catching up to me. 

Of course there’s still the chance that it’s a dream.  After all,  Prisco and Clark didn’t replace Siskel and Eibert as movie critics, right (be nice here)?  But what happened to Gregg Doyel lambasting low talent athletes for posing in SI’s swimsuit edition, did I miss this?  Surely he did this, right?  Otherwise, the world shifted on it’s axis. 

Sadly though, the onus for this is on me.  My mind is not what it use to be, otherwise, how can one explain confusing at second day rookie running back drafted, with a nickname “The Tank” with a harpsichord musician?  I’m still trying to figure out why I confused Summers with Hubbard (was there a Hubbard in the NFL draft?).  And there must be more that I’m phasing out on, as those around me pat me on the head and smile politely, while whispering “poor thing, she’s not really all there, is she?”. 

Oh well, I’ll adjust, I hope.  I’m still a little too young for my daughter to be wiping drool from my chin, which is a good thing.  I just wonder, does Mark Martin happen to have days like this also?  Oh…and has anyone seen my keys?

Posted on: September 10, 2008 6:24 am

Ten Things That Have Me Pondering

Early mornings, my brain seems to go haywire trying to defuse all the information that I take in while I sort through all the news, and all the extraneous garbage trying to put it in order.  The coffee helps, but not enough, so this morning I thought I'd try to sort out all my question and perhaps find some answers to them...

1)  Really, what is the appeal with NASCAR?  Okay, so there's fast cars going around in a circle.  How's that exciting watching that on the tv screen? 

2) Why is it a win over the South Carolina Gamecocks, deems a college team the best?  Even Steve Spurrier had questions about this season.

3)  Will the Pittsburgh Pirates ever win the pennant again before I die?

4) Why is it that the media darlings always end up disappointing?  A rookie Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers had all the attention on them his first year out, yet they failed to get past the Patriots.  Both the Colts and the Bengals were the glamour team the next year, they never made it to the playoff.  Chargers were the team to watch the year after, the Colts won the Superbowl.  Even Patriots fans got tired of hearing about all Patriots, all the time.  David brought down Goliath.  Cowboy fans, think the attention your team is going to garner might not be a good thing? 

5)  Why do people get upset when the media doesn't think their team is going to win?  Seriously, I love it when the majority of analysts pick against the Steelers, seems the Steelers like to prove them wrong.  Alot of  analysts picked the Texans to win over the Steelers.  All I have to say is keeping picking against them baby.

6)  Why is it that kharma comes back to bite you? Lot's of people giving Bengals fans grief about their "misfit" players, only to turn around and find that players on your own team had their own trouble with the law.  Chargers fans had to hear about Merriman and his roids...oops, someone was suspended for a few weeks for HGH.  Now people who've given that player grief about HGH, are seeing members of their own teams suspended for banned substances. 

7)  I have to clarify something before I ask this question.  The other day, on a thread on the NFL board, I caught a Patriots fan yacking about how a Steelers win over the Patriots this year would be a "paper only" win, because Tom Brady went down.  If this is the case, then isn't the Patriots 16-0 season paper only?  After all, Troy Polamalu was out for that game and we know that no matter how great Tom is, he wasn't going to exploit Samson like he exploited Anthony Smith.  Steelers were holding their own until Brady lit up Smith.  Just saying....

8)  Why is it a playoff team is considered a nobody, trying to take away, not only Buffalo's win but Seattle's accomplishments. 

9)  Why is it that fans of a team are referred to ALL fans?  Seriously, I'm getting tired of hearing that ALL Steelers fans are  a certain way, just like I'm getting tired of seeing ALL Patriots fans are a certain way. 

10)  When did we lose our common sense when it comes to elections?  Some of the stuff I've been hearing simply defies logic.  If Obama is a muslim, why isn't Michelle and his daughters wearing burkas? 

Okay, I seriously doubt that I'll really find any answers, but I bet we can come up with some interesting reasons to this.
Posted on: February 11, 2008 12:12 pm

Why I Really Hate NASCAR

NASCAR is king here.  Placed above South Carolina Gamecock and Clemson Tiger football, much bigger then Carolina Panther football, NASCAR rules here in a way no other sport does.  Everywhere you look, you’ll see decals, bumper stickers, jackets and shirts, proclaiming their favorite driver.  It is something you cannot get away from.  In the news, the start of NASCAR season surpasses anything and everything, even the lead up to March Madness.

NASCAR is nothing new to me, especially since my stepfather was a big Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt fan.  Add to my sister and brother-in-law following the circuit for Jeff Gordon, and Dale Jarrett, it was difficult not to hear about it.  Yet it was something I really never could get into.  I knew enough to be able to carry on a conversation with my mechanic, who at that time was repairing something or another on my car on a weekly basis.  My limited knowledge of NASCAR could have been seen as a blessing in disguise, since he seemed to have taken pity on me and took care of my car at a lower cost. 

Yet it wasn’t until I moved south that I picked up a disdain for the sport.  Seriously, a gut-wrenching, cold-sweat hate for NASCAR developed when I moved here.  It had nothing to do with the cars, the fan worship or the accents.  It had everything to do with what seems to be a secret fantasy of being a NASCAR driver for quite a few adults here.

Okay, truth is that the city I live in was rated as the top city in American by Men’s Magazine, when it came to the worse drivers in America.  Yep, I live in a city that has the dubious distinction of having the crappiest drivers in America.  It’s really not uncommon to have 3 or 4 major accidents occur at the same time on the highways here at rush hour.  We can blame it on the weather, however, this occurs when the roads are dry and the sky is bright.  Can you imagine when it rains?  (I’ll give them a pass on the rare snowy days).

For as bad as the driving seems to be in the offseason, there tends to be a noticeable difference come NASCAR season, especially on a Monday after the race.  It is then that the Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Jeff Gordon wannabe’s seem to come out.  The morning commute turns into a jockey for pole position.  The normal speed limit no longer exists and the State Troopers just tend to stay out of everyone’s way (unless it’s close to payday).  Everyone seems, at least for the morning rush, to want to outdo the other drivers in typical NASCAR style.

This morning I was once again reminded how it is when the race season begins, down around here.  For a full 40 minutes, as I was driving 80 mph in a 60 mph zone, trying to shake the guys that were riding my draft.  I found myself screaming obscenities as I tried to use the bank to pass a car in front of me, only for a gray hair old lady (yes, older then me) to be cackling at me in her rearview and shoot me the bird as she cut me off. 

It’s going to be a long summer here.  Not sure which is going to be worse, the drive in to work on Mondays, or that the lyrics to “Little Old Lady from Pasadena” will be playing over and over and over in my head every Monday until the end of the season.

Go granny, go granny, go granny go………….

Category: Auto Racing
Tags: Humor, NASCAR
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com